The Kevlar Files - Episode 1
Archived By David Kibrick (kiburi-san)
Note: These files contian the the original text of these messages,
complete with the original spelling (and misspelling), so don't blame me
for any mistakes that you find.
The Second Day (6/1/99 - 6/13/99): Interactions
Contents: More troublesome situations, the sidekicks are found to be lechers,
the vampires attack, Kiburi-san has problems with perfume,
Montresor becomes voluptuous (as well as ryu), Kiburi-san gets a new job
45. Ryu was sleeping soundly dreaming naughty dreams about succubis and
the
like.While Taiwan slept soundly dreaming of, Other Foam rubber skulls
with
pink bows on them and the large bosoms of the female student body of
which
he can not resist but to cuddle between them.(Taiwan is lecherous,Ryu
is
just deprived) When suddenly Taiwan's internal Sidekick o' meter kicked
in
and he woke up.
"Somewhere, a sidekick is going to be harmed, i must stop it!" The
little
skull said.With that it bounded up and out and into the night air.It
bounded
down the streets, dodging cars and leaping between vagrant's
legs.Rolling
down hills and leaping onto branches until he reached his
destination.Kiburi's house.He lept through an open windown and bounded
through the house looking for Montressor.
Just then He saw kiburi had finaly Cornered monterssor! He fired the
EMP
Taser at Montressor when Taiwan Leaped right into the blast Screaming
"NO!!!!!!!" luckily, being made of Foamrubber the electricity had no
effect
on him.He landed and started snarling at Kiburi..."HOW DARE YOU HURT A
INNOCENT SIDEKICK!"...
Kiburi looked annoyed and just said"well he certainly isn't worthy to
be it
anymore." Taiwan Replied "Are you kidding! Who defeated the Dragon huh?
It
wasn't you it was him! Face it, you need Montressor, You need us
Sidekicks,
even when were completely useless or just annoying you need us for
moral
support and to make you look good!" having said his peace Taiwan looked
over
and saw..THE PLAYBOY CHANNEL!
Immedietly he lept up onto a chair and began drooling while watching.
46. Unfortunately, Kiburi-san had to concede that the
skull was right. Pwoering down the taser, he tossed
it back onto the table.
"Sorry, Montresor. I guess I should thank you."
"Yeah, you should have. Jerk."
Kiburi-san ignored it and turned to the foam skull.
"I have a message for youre master," he said.
"What is it?" the skull replied.
"Tell him that I'm tired of fighting with him over
some stupid plot. I'll stop my evil plans of revenge
if he will."
"Is this just because you coundn't use those magic
books?"
"NO! I mean, I'm tired of this stupid fight anyway.
Tell him I'm sorry or something. I don't care. This
is getting both of us nowhere"
"I'll go take your message to him now." The foam
skull hopped through an open window and vanished into
the night.
"G'night, Montresor." Kiburi-san, stumbling with
exhaustion, collapsed onto the couch. He was asleep
within five minutes, the music of the playboy channel
playing faintly in the background.
47. Teri knocked on the door in the middle of the night. Kiburi-san
was still awake, dealing with the sidekicks and the Playboy channel, so
he went to the door. "Who is it?" he asked.
"It's me," Teri said.
Kiburi-san couldn't detect hostility in the voice, so he opened the
door, really nervous.
"I was wondering if you were planning on returning my underwear."
"Uh....sure." Kiburi-san said, thinking that she was being too nice
given the current situation.
"What's your problem? I don't blame you. That damn robot seems to be
out of control."
"Yeah. I nearly EMPed him earlier, but that freaky skull thing showed
up to defend him."
"That sucks."
48. Taiwan bounded down the street at his breakneck speed,The little Foam
skull
Bounded into tree's on top of cars and even through windows going out
the
doggy door.Some people screamed when they saw him.Others just looked at
their whiskey bottles and shook their heads.Eventully he was finaly in
his
room.Seeing his master sleeping he took it upon himself to wake his
master
up.
"master, wake up master" he said softly. Ryu's only reply was.."mmm,
yes
Mistress Morrigan lafae, whatever you say.."
Taiwan quickly lost paitence and started bouncing on top of Ryu's
head."WAKE
UP WAKE UP WAKE UP" he cried over and over.Ryu completely startled woke
and
asked.."What is it Taiwan?"
"That Kiburi guy wants to stop fighting"Taiwan said."oh, okay then,
I'll
stop messing with him" and he quickly went back to sleep.Taiwan bounded
onto
his pillow and went to sleep as well.
49. "Hold on a sec."
Kiburi-san walked back into the living room, where
Montresor was still watching the Playboy channel.
"I want a refund."
"Hey, you built me from scratch, Mr. Boss dude. It
wasn't like I was some kit from Radio Shack."
"Yeah, yeah. Just cut the porno crap!"
"And what's wrong with being a lecher? I still
remember the binocular incident..."
Kiburi-san's face suddenly became flushed, and he
prayed that Teri couldn't hear what Montresor was
saying.
"That was a long time ago," he continued in an angry
whisper, "and you don't need to go around blurting
about it. Got it?"
"Yes, Mr. Slavedriver."
"Now, how about giving me back Teri's... umm..."
"You mean her panties?" Montresor hovered closer to
Kiburi-san's face. "Still a virgin, huh?"
"SHUT THE F*** UP!" Kiburi-san thought about lowering
his voice a second too late.
"Jeez, stop acting like a toddler! Here's the darn
underwear." Montresor grabbed the panties with his
mechanical arms and stretched them across Kiburi-san's
head.
Hearing laughter behind him, Kiburi-san turned to see
Teri Mills standing in the entryway, snickering
unco9ntrollably. Before Kiburi-san could grab the
panties ooff of his head and wipe the embarrassment
from his face, Montresor whipped in front of him with
a polariocd camera. Ripping the underwear from his
head, Kiburi-san grabbed up the taser and lunged
after Montresor with a vengeance. Montresor powered
up his jets and flew over Kiburi-san's head,
delivering both panties and polaroid to Teri, who was
still rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter.
Kiburi-san stared down at his feet as Teri finally
regained her composure, his face turning an impossible
shade of red. After a few moments, she looked up at
him, a peculiar look on her face. Kiburi-san
sincerely hoped it was true love or something akin to
it, or else a certain robot was going to get a nice
EMP blast first thing in the morning.
Seizing the moment, Montresor grabbed the taser from
Kiburi-san and threw it threw the open window, where
it shattered on the pavement in a shower of blue
sparks. As Montresor turned back to the Playboy
channel, Kiburi-san collpased onto the couch, his head
in his hands. In the corner of his eye, he could
still see Teri standing in the doorway. Oh, well.
Kiburi-san realized that things really couldn't get
any worse than this, so he stood up desperately trying
to regain his composure.
Trying to look a lot more confident than he really
was, Kiburi-san turned to Teri.
"So, what are you doing tonight?"
50. When Pleanty got home, she noticed that there was an official UK
car there. Pleanty pulled up her Volante POS and got out.
<---in the house--->
Pleanty saw her mother in the kitchen fixing tea. She heard her father
in the study talking to somone. Pleanty walked into the study. She
saw her father smoking his pipe, and talking to Q!!! SIS's equipment
guy!!!!!!
Mr. Moore (ooc: his name isn't roger) looked up at Pleanty. "Hello
dear, Q and I were just talking about you. We were talking about
making you a more active role in SIS operations in Japan."
Pleanty looked stunned, "oh wow!" Pleanty said while doing a
traditional japanese bow.
Q stood up. "009, Miss Moore if you could follow me out to my car. I
will show you some equipment." Mr. Moore led Q to the car.
<---at Q's Lotus---->
Q pushed a button on his key chain, and the trunk of his white Lotus
opened. He walked over and pulled out two suitcases, and a backpack.
"Now pay attention Miss. Moore...what I am about to give you is top
secret." Q said giving the backpack to Pleanty. "Now put on the
pack." Pleanty put the pack on. She noticed that it was pretty heavy.
"This is heavy. What is in this?" Pleanty asked feeling weighted
down.
Q gave Pleanty a keychain. "It's a jet pack. The keychain controls
it. Look... This key activates it." The bottom of the pack started to
heat up. "This directional pad detrimes the direction of it. And this
button turns it off."
Mrs. Moore ran out to them. "Pleanty, a friend of yours Teri Mills of
the civil air patrol says to meet you at (Kurbi-san's house)."
Pleanty looked at the suitcases. "Q what else do you have for me?"
Q opened a suitcase. "Popcorn grenades, zap guns, CO2 prepelled
harpoon guns, EMP shaped like your Walther PPK--" Q didn't have to say
more. Pleanty grabbed the EMP and fired up the pack. <007 theme plays>
It took Pleanty about 5 minutes with the jet pack to get into
Kurbi-San's house. Pleanty tried to land it but crashed through the
roof of the house and landed on a robot.
Pleanty looked up, all cross-eyed. "Time for a break...Smoke if you
got them...." Then she collapsed.
51. Montresor dug itself out from onder the inert from
of Pleanty. Kiburi-san rushed to the inert girl and
felt for a pulse. It was still there.
Standing up, he turned back to Teri, trying to
remember where he was. She was still holding the
underwear and the polaroid, staring at Pleanty in
shock.
"Great entrance, lady." Montresor said, trying to
undo the large dent in his plating. "That' thing's
proboaobly going to blow up or something."
Noticing that the jetpack was beginning to glow red,
Kiburi-san yanked it off of the unconscious girl and
threw it out the window, where it exploded,
incinerating a good portion of the neighbor's hedge.
Noticing that Pleanty was starting to revive, he
looked around him in confusion... and saw a familiar
skull staring in the window at the television, whcih
was still showing the Playboy channel.
Kiburi-san tried to switch it off, but was intercepted
by Montresor and the skull, who both stared at him
indignantly. Deciding to leave the two sidekicks
alone, Kiburi-san walked into the kitchen, hoping that
offering his guests some cola would relieve the
awkwardness.
As Kiburi-san returned with the colas, Montresor,
suddenly went berserk. Spinning around wildly, the
lights on his body flashing, he began to scream.
"Vampire alert! Vampire alert!"
Kiburi-san turned back to the window.
"Oh, shit," he said, pulling the Beretta from his
holster.
"Montresor," kiburi-san said in a deceptively calm
voice, "a clip of silver bullets would be really handy
about now."
52. Ryu woke up, He cound't sleep, he felt something was wrong.He looked
over
and Saw Taiwan was GONE!!.."Taiwan? Taiwan? where are you Taiwan?"
Hearing
no awnser he got dressed and everything and headed up outside into the
night
air.He sat on the Front porch of the Highschool, when suddenly a Police
Car
rolled up and a Man in a Buisiness suit came out and approached
him."Are you
Ryu Whateley?"
Ryu nodded."Here, Im sorry for your lost, You have to appear in Court
in two
days to verify your inheritance" Ryu's already pale face became Paler,
he
only had one Family member and That was Old Grandpa Whateley who lived
in
Canada."he opened the letter and found out the Truth..Grandpa Whateley
had
died.Killed in a Freak Fishing accident.
He read the letter aloud."Ryu, maboy, if yuir reading this Chances are
Im'a
Dead aey.Well yuir gonna have to watch out fer yerself now aey.I left
ye all
the Fishin equipment and what little money I'a had.Along with all a der
occult texts that i had aey.If you can't hear the ravens laughing then
I got
away safely to the afterlife aey." At that Ryu looked and saw that all
of
the Ravens were silent.They didn't get his Grandpa."well, ma'boy. Im
agonna
miss ya aye. Good luck wit the rest o' yuir life aye. Love grandpa
Whately."
Ryu was sadden, his sidekick was gone, He had gotten most of the school
angry at him and now His Grandpa Died.Over half was his Fault.So he got
up
and began wandering the streets.Not paying attention the the Vampires
he saw
along the way.Of course most of the vampires were steering clear of Ryu
as
well.Knowing it's not good to try to suck the blood of a Kid who can
set you
on Fire at will.
Meanwhile Taiwan heard the Cry of Vampire and began to Bounce up and
Down
Really Fast.."GET RYU! YOU GOTTA GET RYU!He knows how to deal with
things
like this!"
53. As Terry and Kiburi anticipated a vampire attack, a black van crashed
through the wall.
"I think I need driving lessons", Sally muttered as he rolled out of
the
van."The fighting while driving was pretty difficult and the cow that
fell
on me just made things worse". Sally was a little bewildered by the
environment and wondered why everyone was toting guns and watching
porn.
"WellIneedtobegoinggoodbye",Sally driveled out quickly in a cracking
falsetto right before a shadowy figure entered the room.
54. The robot kept on chirping..."Vampire Alert, Vampire Alert!"
Pleanty pulled her normal ppk out and her EMP ppk out.
"Listen to me Dalek if you don't shut up, I will attach jumper cables
to your nipple nuts and hook the other end up to my EMP!" Pleanty was
really not feeling all that good (probably down a bonk too).
Happosai junior spoke (ooc: hehe Terri came here because Kirbi-San had
Terri's underware, and as we all know Happosai was really fond of
women's underware). "Leave my robot alone. Or face me." He said in a
truely dark tone of voice.
Terri just stood there, "Listen all of you... Damn brits,
damn japs...American Millitary is always need to bail them out. The
never learn."
Pleanty stood up, and brushed off her tuxedo a bit. "What?"
Terri pulled out her colt and checked it. "Okay we need to all get
along and stop this phantom menace!"
Pleanty put her guns away. "Okay, now all we need is some crosses,
holy water, and some stakes."
Kirbi-san cleared his throat, "Um...that would be a problem...I don't
have any of those things....I might have some garlic? And Pleanty use
your EMP. It won't hurt a vampire, but it will stun the hell outta
them."
Pleanty drew her EMP, and walked very "Spy like" to the front door.
Terri took cover behind the sofa with her Colt .45 (ooc: that is my
second favorate handgun outside of the ppk, but the colt has more
stopping power) Pleanty could hear male voices coming closer.
'Uh, hello we are girl scouts who really want to sell you cookies. Can
we come in?'
Pleanty pointed at Kirbi-San and motioned for him to come to the door.
"Open the door, then get the hell outta the way and leave
'em to me and Teri. so'k?"
Kirbi-San nodded. "Just a minute I have to take off my apron." He
approached the door. And opened it....
55.
Currently ripping off a stupid apron, wondering why he
had put it on just to get a few cans of coca-cola.
"Uh, Mr. K-dude, I think the silver bullets are for
werewolves. What about wooden ones?"
"Wooden bullets just disintegrate when you fire them.
Haven't you ever seen GSC?"
"Uh, no. But what about stakes?"
"Well, there are some chopsticks in the pantry."
Teri ran by emptying a Colt .45 into a vampire, who
didn't seem to notice it. Kiburi-san turned and
nailed the vampiure with a solid roundhouse kick that
sent it flying into the wall, but it just got back up,
apparently unharmed. Wishing that Montresor hadn't
killed his EMP taser, Kiburi-san retreated into the
hallway.
"Quick, down to the bomb shelter, everyone!"
Kiburi-san yelled, jabbing a chopstick into the
oncoming vampire. It had almost no effect. Yanking
up a trapdoor in the middle of the hall to reveal a
set of concrete steps, he rushed down ahead of Teri,
who was emptying an M-16 into the vampires at the end
of the hallway. Eventually, she ran out of bullets,
and dived down the stairs after Kiburi-san. Pleanty
backed down the hallway, trying to hold the vampires
at bay with the EMP pistol. Finally, she blasted a
few more times and dove down the stairway, slamming
shut the hatch behind her. Kiburi-san, who was
waiting at the doorway, slammed the giant metal bolt
into its hatch, securing the door from the intruders.
A few seconds later, an overhead bank of electric
lights flooded on, illuminating the shelter with
intense light. The shelter, converted from a
basement, was stuffed with cans of food and supplies,
a propane generator, and a large gun rack filled with
"emergency" weapons.
While Pleanty stood staring at a Mark III bazooka in
awe, Kiburi-san listened to the sounds of fighting
upstairs. Instead, the vampires were growling amongst
themselves, and Montresor and the skull could be heard
faintly, drooling over the playboy channel and
oblivious to the danger.
56. Ryu walked the streets in a Daze.Having just found out Grandfather
Whateley
had just made the journey to the Great Hereafter,He payed no attention
to
the Direction he was going.When suddenly several people in long black
Trenchcoats with pale skin and all black clothing, Like some Bad Goth
rejects approached him."hello, are you not Ryu Whateley?" One asked.
"yes, Iam" Ryu replied. The vampire's voices murmured with the word
"Cool!,
um, like, were vampires and stuff.And uh we know your like a um Evil
magicgian and everything, um, would you like join forces with us and
stuff?"
Out of the Blue a vampire threw a dramatic pose and cried out in a bad
european accent "Oh, the PAIN of being a VAMPIRE! I am forever cursed
to be
young and look good forever, while having really neat powers! Oh Tha
pain
and Getting Any Chick I want! Oh the horror and Agony of it all!"
Ryu quickly surmised that these were not the smartes vampires he
encountered
before."Why should I join you?"..The leader quickly replied."um,
well,we'll
like, give you chicks and stuff!oh and we'll like be your friends!"
Drama
Boy Quickly spoke in his bad eruo accent "Bask in our immortal Glory!
And
begg us to let you serve us!" he was then quickly slapped as the leader
said.."Shut up bob!, anywayum like the chicks are over there."Ryu
quickly
turned his head to see a Bevy of babes mostly Goth chicks, just his
type.Of
course a few were busty blonde bimbos but he could deal with that.
"where do
you get all these women?" he asked them. "We got um like a Storge bin
and
stuff full of em.Ussuly we find them in like old abandoned camps and
Graveyard parties.We like get at least one blonde eah year from some
place
called Camp Crystal lake.If only that Hockey player would stop slashing
them
apart!Besides were vampires, chicks come with the territory!"
Ryu looked over as one paticular Girl stood out from the rest.She was
everything he wanted in a women.Short as him,which is rare considering
ryu
is only 5'2.Black hair, pale skin black clothing black lips and skinny
and
frail like most Goth women!...After comeing over and putting her arm
around
RYu he quickly responded in a half dazed voice.."Okay,
I'll...I'll..I'll, be
yer guyezzz friend."..The vampirer leader said.."COOL!, um, like, now,
that
um your our like Friend, um could you like use your power to open this
um
like bombshelter for us?"...Ryu followed them to Kiburi's house and saw
that
bomb shelter.."Sure, this will be easy" he said trying to show off for
the
Goth Chick, cracking his Knuckles and getting ready to use some Magick!
All while Montressor and Taiwan were oblivious caught up in Jenny
Mcarthy's
Live Video show for Playboy.
57. Kiburi-san looked slightly miffed as the door to the
bomb shelter blasted open. Ryu was standing in the
entrance, looking evil as usual.
"Big surprise," Kiburi-san said, grabbiong up a broken
piece of wood and stabbing it into Ryu's chest.
"What the hell are you doing?!?" Ryu screamed, ripping
the wood out of his chest. "I'm not a vampire, I'm
just working with them!" Reaching over, Ryu muttered
something and the wound disappeared.
By now, Kiburi-san was pissed. Pulling out the
Beretta, he stuck it right between Ryu's eyes.
"Now listen up, you $*(&#^(*&@. I really don't care
who you're working for, but if you try anything, a
good portion of your head is soon going to be against
that wall over there. I almost had the nerve to ask a
girl on a date, and you have to ruin it with your
f***ing vampires. Now, I know I'm not going to be
stuck here to be vampire food, and if you want to
live, you'd better help me."
There was a movement from the basement, and Teri flung
another piece of wood, hitting an advancing vampire in
the heart and turning it to dust.
Montresor and the skull sat on the couch, drooling
even harder as the Pam & Tommy video began playing on
the TV screen.
58. Ryu looked at the Gun in his face and the guns in Terri and Pleanty's
hands."My god! Your All Psychopaths!" He Panicked and Ran away
Screaming the
whole way.OOC remeber the TFOS rules when lethal weapons come into play
IC>He ran up stairs and out the door. The vampires just looked
angry."Dude!
He was Like Our New Best Friend and Stuff! You Like scared him away and
everything!" Dramatic Bob the euro vampire said "Oh, the last vestiges
of my
humanity are gone!, My Friend has Run!" Quickly the leader slapped
Dramatic
Bob."Dude we barely new the guy.Still AT least He got that Bomb shelter
open! DInner Time!!!" The vampires began to advance on them as Kiburi
began
to Plug away with his Gun.Ryu hearing Gun Fire Jumped under the Kitchen
Table erecting a ForeField and putting a pillow over his head.
Mean while Taiwan Turned to Montressor and said."Hey Montressor, we
need to
get us some Girls!"
59. Kiburi-san emptied his beretta at the vampires,
while Ryu panicked and ran in the face of flying lead.
The silver bullets halted the vampires for a while,
but didn't really kill them.
Teri Mills suddenly popped up in front of him,
carrying the large bazooka from the weapons locker.
Crouching into a firing position, she lobbed a shell
into the middle of the vapires. The two at the center
of the blast blew apart, and the others cringed.
Kiburi-san, upon seeing this, suddenly realized that
Vampires are vulnerable to bright light!
Realizing this, he ran down to the weapons locker and
grabbed a few flash/bang grenades and an M19 portable
flame unit. Rushing back to the stairwell, he lobbed
the grenades.
Unfortunately, he forgot to tell everyone else to
cover their eyes. While everyone except Kiburi-san
sat blinking from the blast, he ignited the flame
unit. Sweeping it over the vampires, he watched as
they melted into piles of disgusting goo, the paint
searing where the flame unit had gotten a little too
close to the walls.
By now, Montresor and the skull were bored with the
Playboy channel. Turning, they saw Pleanty cowering
under a table.
"Hey Taiwan, you know how we were talking about
getting a woman?"
"Yeah! Yeah!"
"There's one dazed over there."
"All right! Let's get her!"
The two sidekicks zoomed over to where Pleanty was
cowering, one of montresor's arms glowing with an EMP
charge.
"This'll knock her flat, and then we can-"
The two sidekicks found themselves staring into the
incredinbly large barrel of the M-60 machinegun that
Teri Mills was pointing at them.
60. Ryu had had enough.He was not going to cower from the vampires or all
these
Gun toting manicas.he was going to do something about all this.He threw
up
the table he was under through off the pillow over his head and pulled
out a
Magickal Vial that read.."In case of emergency Drink" Ryu took hold of
the
Elixer and down the hatch it went.Then He belched a Fireball onto a
vampire
incinerating it.But it did not end there.Ryu's entire body began to
change.His skin turned red and then into...MOLTEN LAVA. He became a
Being of
Firey Death!...His entire form became a living being of Plasmic Fire.He
began walking around simply slapping vampires and watching them
sizzle.Bullets melted before they touched his body from the intense
heat.Of
course he was hot.He was living Hell Fire! Sadly though, he had a
adverse
effect on Kiburi's house as everywhere he step he left huge burning
holes in
the floor and melted the surronding Furniture."Fear Me For Iam Now a
Being
of Living Hell Fire!" He laughed melting vampires left and right, but
then
felt sadden."Man, those vampires were gonna get me a Girlfriend to.I
can't
belive Im doing this."
61. Kiburi-san watched as the now-flaming Ryu loomed
closer, threatening to set fire to his whole house.
Thinking quickly, Kiburi-san grabbed a fire
extinguished off the wall, and douse d Ryu with it.
The white foam had no effect, vaporizing on impact
with Ryu's fiery body.
"Montresor, where the hell are you?" Kiburi-san
screamed.
Montresor left off from his kidnapping plot and urried
to Kiburi-san's side.
"How do I defeat this?"
"Simple. Throw the Hatch 38 stuff at him."
Kiburi-san felt in his jacket for the vial. it was
still there.
"I thought you said this protected against magic!"
"Well, not exactly..."
"WHat do you mean , not exactly?"
"Just throw it!"
Kiburi-san looked forward again, and realized that Ryu
was nearly on top of him. Jumping backwards, he threw
the vial squarely in Ryu's burning face.
The glass melted on impact, and the vial's contents
spilled across Ryu's flaming body. There was an
instant chemical hiss, and all of the flames around
the house extinguished abruptly.
Kiburi watched Ryu stagger to his feet, spluttering
and soaking wet. But something looked strange... and
then Kiburi-san remembered the side effects of that
particular vial.
WHile Montresor started drooling again, Kiburi-san
watched as Ryu discovered his slight "gender problem"
and began screaming in an incredibly high-pitched
voice.
Suddenly, the strange girl from the night before poked
her head in the window and stared in amazement at Ryu.
"What the hell's going on?" Yelled teri as she
entered the room. Then she saw Ryu.
"Guess the playboy channel got mixed in with your
balck magic, huh?" Pleanty muttered, extricating
herself from her hiding place under the table.
Taiwan leapt up from the couch and jumped at Ryu
attempting to grope the "girl" he now saw. Screaming
evern louder than before, Ryu ran madly around the
house, Taiwan and montresor at her(?) heels.
The first rays of sunlight began to creep into the
window. As Teri started picking up spent shell
casings off of the living room floor, Kiburi-dsan
collapsed back into the couch for a few hours of
well-earned rest.
62. Ryu now turned female Grabed Taiwan as he tried to lodge bewteen her
now
ample Breast."Taiwan You Numbskull! It's me!"..Taiwan adjusted his Eyes
and
said with Disbelief.."BOSS!!" Ryu looked angry.."For your insolence
you are
Fired! I never want to see your skull around again! Or I will remove
the
spell that gives you life!" Taiwan's rubbery eyes stared in
disbelief.."bu
bu but but.boss"
He said. "NO BUTTS!" she replied.Sad and shocked Taiwan bounced
halfheartely
away into the sunset, never to return.
Ryu thought to herself.She looked at everyone
there
stareing and laughing."you'll regret the day that you..Oh screw it
all.I
don't even care anymore" she said.Grabbing up abunch of the vampire's
dust
and putting it in a bottle then corcking it she began to walk off.Her
spirit
had finaly been broken.She wandered aimelessly throught the streets of
oshiba until she finaly collapsed from exhuastion into slumber.
63. Kiburi-san woke up after a whole two hours of
sleep. Walking around Teri, who had crashed on the
carpet, he groggily made his way into the kitchen.
Pouring cereal all over a bowl, the counter and the
floor, Kibuuri-san munched away monotonously. When
the cereal was finished, he looked back into the
living room and saw that Montresor and the skull were
still there, but Ryu was nowhere to be seen.
"Shouldn't you be with Ryu?" Kiburi-san asked the
skull.
"No he fired me. I guess I'll just team up with
Montresor or something"
Kiburi-san suddenly realized the disadvantages of
having two crazed sidekicks. He had to get Taiwan to
go back to Ryu before the two drove him completely
insane.
"Where's Ryu?" Kiburi-san asked the skull.
"He got depressed and took off. I think your little
potion finally made him snap."
Kiburi-san wasn't sure if that was good or bad.
"He does know that it only lasts 24 hours, right?"
"I doubt it."
"Oh, great." Now Ryu would probably jump off a bridge
or something because he would think the change was
permanent.
"C'mon you two. We have to find Ryu." Kiburi-san ran
over to the door, the two sidekicks in hot pursuit.
Montresor's tracking locator brought them all to a
back alley in downtown Oshiba, where Ryu was lying
dejectedly on the pavement.
"Hey, Ryu."
"Go away, you evil maniac!" Ryu screamed.
"I'm sorry about the... um... accident, but I couldn't
let my house get burned."
"So you trap me like this for the rest of my life?"
"Well, no... You actually change back to normal after
48 hours."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, it's not permanent."
"SO YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH THAT HELL FOR NOTHING?!?"
RYu lunged at Kiburi-san, the evil glint back in her
eyes.
"Nicetalkingtoyoubuti'lljustbeleavingnow" Kiburi-san
said as he retreated.
Taiwan, however, hung back and looked pleadingly at
RYu.
"I'm sorry?"
64. Ryu looked at Taiwan who was Giving him the puppy eyes look.
"all right then, Fine you can come back" Ryu said in her Annoyinly Cute
High
Voice.
"yaaah! So boss what are we gonna do now?" Taiwan asked.
"were going Fishing.It's the only thing that will take my mind off of
all
that has happened.And there I can wait until the effects for this
chemical
wear-off. Hopefully before I have to appear in Court to Claim Grandpa
whateley's inheritance"
"Grandpa whateley is dead!?" Taiwan asked shocked. "Sadly he is" ryu
said."but fret not,he left to me all of his occult tomes and Fishing
equipment, now then lets head off"
So down the street went Girl and Skull ignoring all the lewd comments
made
to them.On their way to the Docks to Fish.
65. When Kiburi-san retured to his house, Teri was
already gone, along with pleanty and the remains of
her jetpack. Looking around the badly burned walls of
the house, Kiburi-san realized that he had plenty of
work ahead of him to restore the house to its previous
state of unburnt. Realizing that it wouldcost too
long for a contractor and too long to do it himself,
he turned to Montresor.
"Montresor, I have a little task for you."
"Let me guess, Mr. Foreperson. You'd better pay me
union wages."
"Yeah, all in machine oil and axle grease."
"How abouta couple of copies of Hustler this time
instead?"
"In your dreams. You really are a pervert, aren't
you?"
"Gee. How'd you guess?"
"Well, the way you're still hanging onto Teri's
panties kinda makes me wonder." Kiburi-san pointed to
the errant underwear, which was clutched in one of
Montresor's hands in an apparent death-grip.
"So sue me."
Just then, the door burst open to reveal Teri, still
dressed in BDUs.
"You still didn't give me my underwear back," she
said.
"Talk to the #&^%*&#@^% robot." Kiburi-san began to
scrub the scorch marks off of the walls while Teri ran
after Montresor, swinging her .45 wildly in an attempt
to force the robot to relinquish he purloined panties.
66. Teri pulled. Montresor yanked. The thread strained, and soon it
snapped. Teri was flung backwards into Kiburi-san, falling on top of
him. "dammit, montresor!" she said, throwing the half of the panties
at him. She turned to Kiburi-san. "Oh, and I forgot to answer your
question. Yes, I'm free tonight." she smiled at him, and walked out
the door to school. Kiburi-san sat back against the wall, stunned. he
thought, maybe I should show up at school for at least a period or
two...do I have any classes with her? he asked himself.
67. Swaj stood up from his lab chair. "Yess!!! I have it!!!" he could
now use popcorn to make anything. he set the item down, and went to
the bathroom, came back, and it was gone.
68. Kiburi-san sat in class, thinking over Teri's
words. A nice sentiment perhaps, but it hadn't made
any sense sinc ehte night had been over when he had
returned. Or had she meant tonight?
Unfortunately, Teri didn't seem to be in the chemistry
class. Just Kiburi-san, Ryu, that Japanese kid who
kept swatting Montresor, and a giant hulk making
things out of popcorn. Not much to see here.
Kiburi-san turned back to his project. In
anticipation of something happening later that
everning, Kiburi-san began working on a substance that
began to take on an eerie aroma.
"Pass me the 12-methy-butyl-acetate, Montresor."
The robot handed him a vial of clear liquid.
"What are you making, Mr. Science Nutcase?"
"It's, uh..."
"It's not one of yor apocalyptic attempts at cologne
again, is it?"
"Um..."
"I think I'll just be visiting the next area code for
the next few days."
"I get the hint, Montresor. Pass me the
Chloroisothiazolinone."
"Now I'm really scared. Anything with words that big
has got to be dangerous."
"Just shut up and give me the material."
"You're the boss," Montresor said, and turned away in
a huff. "Woudn't even let me keep the panties..."
Kiburi-san continued to mutter encouragingly at the
vial, which was taking on a smell that was decidedly
dangerous.
69. "Great first day and I'm late", Sally muttered as he rounded a corner
and
ran through the halls.
"I'll git ya!", the wild eyed janitor said swinging his mop furiously
in
Sally's general direction. Looking down at the class schedule, he made
a
sharp right, tumbled into the chemistry room, slammed the door(smashing
the
janitor on the other side), and handing a note to the teacher.
"Hello", Sally said in his practiced squeak."It's my first day here and
this
is where I was told to go. My name is Sally."Sally then took a seat
near the
popcorn ogre and smiled cheerily.
70. "So, the strange girl's name is Sally. Hmm..."
"Uh, boss, that's not a girl."
"Huh?"
"'Sally' is a guy."
"And how do you know?"
"Well, through a comprehensive DNA analysis..."
"Yeah, right Montresor."
"All right, all right... It's just that my sensors
detect an abundance of Kleenex where there shouldn't
be."
"T. Kurenai, eat your heart out..." Kiburi-san mumbled
and turned back to his experiment.
"Here, Montresor, try this one. I think I got the
mixture right this time."
Kiburi-san poured the vial on Montresor, who suddenly
became a stunningly attractive, albeit completely
naked, teenage girl.
"What the... ?" Montresor said a a smooth, purring
voice.
As the rest of the class stared bug-eyed at Montresor,
Kiburi-san looked at the robot with a critical eye.
"I don't think I have the mixture quite right yet."
As most of the students in the class stood up, loudly
begging to differ, Kiburi-san turned back to his list
of chemicals.
"Maybe if I lower the synthetic hormone levels and
tweak the isopropanol a bit..."
"Boss, now would be a good time to fix this!"
Montresor said, while being pawed by the chemistry
class's entire male populace.
"Yeah, yeah. Consider it your just desserts."
"I don't want any dessert, I want you to fix this!"
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh. I see. You're trying to tell me that this is
the result of all my lecherous- AAAHHHH!"
As Montresor collapsed against the amorous advances of
the sutdents, Kiburi-san started pouring chemicals
into yet another vial.
71. 'Sally's eyes widened at the sight of the naked girl.Where did she come
from
he wondered. He really wasn't sure what was going on, but when the
classes
miscreants started to paw her, Sally decided action needed to be taken.
"HAIII-YYAA!!", sallly scream-squeaked as he started to pummel those
who had
tackled Montresor with a flurry of kicks and punches, peeling away the
people like bananas.Throwing down a powderpuff and grabbing the girl,
'Sally' ran out in the confusing cloud of smoke and headed straight to
the
girls locker room.
"Thanks kleenex", the girl said in a disturbing tone. Somehow, sally
sensed
that his plan had already been revealed....
72. Ryu now a male thanks to his potent magickal abilities looked on at
poor
Montressor completely unaffected."Boss, how can you stand there and
just not
be affected by a Beutiful naked woman!" Taiwan asked."Because Iam
completely
unafected by such trivial things.Do I care about The Flesh? No I do
not.Nor
Do I care for such pitiful things like Love or Beuty.Iam The Ultimate
Evil
Taiwan.Do not bother me with things that I do not care for" Ryu simply
replied.Taiwan looked on and looked at Sally.."Hey There's that cute
Girl
who Kissed you"....He said.."I'll get revenge on her someother
time.It's
time for phase 2 of our plan" Ryu Replied. "okay Master lets go!" Off
Taiwan
and Ryu went into the halls.The Hall monitor dared not go near Ryu.Down
the
halls they went into the forbidden Hall.The Freshman Hallway.The Dark
poorly
lit hall that no soul dared enter on fear of ever returning.The
perfect
spot where he could be left alone to enact his plan.
73. Kiburi-san held up the vial with thinly veilied
satisfaction. The liquid inside, colored a dark
scarlet that almost resembled blood, bubbled and
fizzed a mysterious vapor that dissipated into the
surrounding air. Satisfied with the result,
Kiburi-san sealed the vial in a ventilated carrying
case and tossed it in his backpack.
A few moments later, Montresor walked in, wearing an
absolutely ridiculous-looking sailor outfit (OOC:
Montresor is still turned into a beautiful girl after
a ltittle accident with one of Kiburi-san's potions).
IC: Kiburi took one look at the hapless Montresor and
doubled over in fuits of laughter. Montresor, looking
hurt, turned towards the front of the room. Then, on
a sudden whim, Montresor grabbed Ryu out of his seat
and kissed him on the lips.
At this, Kiburi-san began to make retching noises and
fell over onto his backpack, crushing the container
and the vial inside. In a few seconds, the room was
filled with a strange sweet-smelling mist. And when
the smoke cleared...
74. "That dirty little robot better be grateful, that was one of my
favorite
outfits....", Sally said, dodging the psychotic janitor's wild
blows."Okay
only the robot and the science kid know... about my condition", Sally
stated, after considering what would be an appropriate term. The whole
plan,
that could of made his life here more bearable than at the last school
already was falling apart. Seeing the red smoke she was able to find
the
chemistry lab and was thumped on the head solidly by a mop.
"Dirty punk ye mussed up me floors last nightttt!", he screamed, his
bald
head shining. Sally then grabbed the mop and threw it down the hall,
the
janitor still attached.
"You messed up my hair!!!", he squeaked, upset that the long blue hair
he
had grown over the summer had gotten dirty. Sally was thinking all
sorts of
ways to make life hell on those who would reveal his secret, when he
walked
back to the class and saw..... that Kiburi and Montresor were the two
most
loveable human beings on earth, and further, that on e of them would
date
him in the near future.The rest of the class was thinking the exact
same
thing, 17 people in all.
75. Ryu Retched as Montressor's lips touched his."Do no touch me!" He
screamed
falling on to his back and crawling away as she moved closer to him
smiling..."Come on ya cute little soceror, show me your magic wand!"
she
grinned comeing ever closer to him. Ryu not having expirence with the
opposite sex did not but run away.He ran to Kiburi and in a Fit of Rage
Lifted him high into the air with a spell."You Fool this is all your
fault!"
Then he Blasted Kiburi with Black Lighting sending him flying into the
wall
with a THUD!Ryu slapped his hands together as if cleaning them off only
to
be tackled by Montressor who with her superior strength to ryu (But
isn't
everyone's strength superior to the 95lb weakinlg's) pinned him smiling
down
at him."Get off of me you Succubi! Taiwan Help!"
76. Kiburi-san got unsteadily to his feet. Shaking
off the painful effects of the black lightning, he
decided that things had gone far enough. Drawing the
Beretta, he reloaded it with foam-rubber riot darts
from a clip on the cartriidge belt. A standard round
for any law-enforcement officer, the bullet was
extremely good at causing very painful bruises with
little other damage.
Kiburi-san aimed at the angry Ryu and fired. However,
he had packed too much gunpowder into the bullet, and
the round disintegrated before it left the barrel.
Cursing in disgust, Kiburi-san pulled for his backup
zap-gun...
...only to be tackled by every female in the class,
all of them sighing happily. Realizing that the
heavily concentrated release of the perfume must be
causing the effect, Kiburi-san tried to dig his way
out of the predicament, but was pinned to the floor.
Montresor, meanwhile, seemed to be having a little too
much fun with Ryu. Pinning the hapless kid to the
ground, it began ripping off Ryu's shirt. Kiburi-san
began to realize that this was going a little too far.
At that moment, the door suddenly burst inwards. A
raving janitor sprang into the room, swinging his mop
as if it were a Claymore.
"Ach, ye little devils! I'll deal wi' ye if it's the
last thing I do!"
So saying, the janitor swiped at the pile if girls
with the mop, and a number of them ran from the room,
screaming in fright. Wrenching his hand free,
Kiburi-san finished extracting the zap-gun from his
belt.
The janitor stood over him, brandishing the mop handle
inches from his skull. Over in the corner, Ryu was
bawling as Montresor did who-knows-what. Half of
Kiburi-san's bosdy was still pinned by overly
affectionate girls. In this situation, there was only
one thing to do.
Kiburi-san started firing.
77. Mr Axok was possessing students at random, attempting to regain order.
Sally
was still trying to decide who he was going to date.
"I wish my head was more clear...", Sally whined to himself. Action
seemed
to be the only course to take. Sally jump kicked the janitor in the
back of
the head, springed off of it and slam tackled Montresor. Falling to the
ground, Sally stuck her head up to check if the coast was clear... and
was
blasted by Kiburi's shot. Stars spun over her head and soot covered her
face. Montresor then got back up and tried to chase Ryu.
Sally then regained composure and was shot again. Being knocked back,
Sally's eyes turned an odd heart shaped red. Losing it completely, he
ran at
Kiburi and then Montresor, picked both up on his shoulder's and ran
them to
the storage room in the back.
Kiburi looked somewhat relieved as Montresor giggled.
"Thank you for extracting us from that emberassing situation.", kiburi
said
panting and already getting out some new chemicals to play with.
"Awww I wanted to toy with him a little longer...", Montresor pouted.
Sally then locked the room with an obvious, satisfying click.
"Now i have both of you all to myself....", Sally stated with a
lovesick
grin, creeping evercloser to the duo...
78. Kiburi-san watched as "sally" advanced on him.
Montresor looked cute-innocent-girl shcoked, but
Kiburi-san recognized the look in the oncoming
student's eyes: he was out for revenge.
"You know my secret... and for that you will pay!"
Sally screamed, charging at him.
Kiburi-san fired a number of times, missing horribly
with each shot. Finally, with Sally nearly upon him,
he reversed the weapon and inecxpretly pistol-whipped
him acrossthe kneecap, causing him to stumble into the
wall behind Kiburi-san. Running to the door,
Kiburi-san realized that it was both sturdy and
locked.
"Hatch 17!" he yelled at montresor.
"Does it really look like I have any hatches now?"
Montresor whined.
"Fine, then!" Kiburi-san tossed the contents of a
vial at it. The vial broke, showering Montresor with
a fine mist... and sudfdenly Montresor was back to its
annoying mechanical self again.
"Here's hatch 17," Montresor said, tossing a lump of
plastic explosive at Kiburi-san's head. Kiburi-san
dodged, and the explosive thudded against the door.
"Red light, green light..."
"You've been watching too much Mission Imopssible,
Montresor."
"Hey, give me a little credit. Oh, and by the way,
you'd better duck."
"I'd better what?"
The ensuing explosion decimated the far wall of the
school building, not to mention a good portion of the
surrounding classrooms.
As the smoke began to clear, Kiburi-san struggles
unsteadily to his feet.
"Great job, Montresor."
"It was the least I could have done."
"Uh-huh. And I suppose the best would have been a
pocket nuclear device?"
"Hey, we can all use a little apocalypse sometimes..."
"Right."
A few feet away, Sally stood up. Grabbing the zap-gun
from where it had landed, he pointed it squarely at
Kiburi-san's head.
"And now, since you won't forget my secret, I'll take
care of you right now."
Kiburi-san reached for the Beretta.
And then the world became a giant burst of popcorn,
with a maniacal voice emanating from the center of it:
"Now that I control popcorn, I can rule the world!"
79. Jon controlled his popcorn Evangelion, which he had made with a
cloning device and a popcorn grenade, as well as that big guy's popcorn
control device. (OOC: This was supposed to be the job of the new PC,
but he hasnt done anything yet. I may just boot him if he keeps on
doing nothing.)
Cut to: Storage closet
A phone rang inside Montresor. a hatch opened. "Its for you boss." he
said.
Kiburi picked up. "Hello?"
"Hi. Is this Kiburi-San?"
"Yeah."
"this is Emily Cleese, the manager down at Victoria's secret. We got
your application, and want to give you an interview."
"excuse, me for a sec." he covered the mouthpiece.
"what is this?" he asked Montresor.
"I decided you needed to loosen up, and what better way is there than
working there?" mongtressor replied.
80. Kiburi-san walked into the Victoria's Secret
store, feeling exceedingly nervous. Montresor, on the
other hand, looked practically ecstatic.
"May I help you sir? Something for your girlfriend,
perhaps?" The lady behind the countter said.
"Uh, no, I'm, uh... Here for an interview?"
The lady shuffled through a stack of papers on her
desk.
"Mr. San, right?"
"Uh, yeah, that's Kiburi-san."
"Go through the door in the back. The manager should
be waiting for you."
Kiburi-san reluctantly walked into the managers
office, an ogling Montresor in tow.
The manager was an older lady in her mid-fifties, or
at least that's how it appeared. With so many aliens
around, it was impossible to tell for sure.
"So you're Kiburi-san?" The lady asked.
"Yeah."
"Good. You're hired."
"What? Just like that? No questions or anything?"
"I can see your aura, hon," the woman said, a knowing
gleam in her eye. "I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Report back here at four o'clock tomorrow and we'll se
what we can do."
After the brief interview, Kiburi-san walked idly
throguht the mall. Well, at least he would have some
decent income for once, but he wasn't sure how
comfortable he would be with it.
81. 'Sally' went home feeling confused. His emotions were running out of
control
and he needed to clear his mind(s). Walking through his house with out
hiding (his mother had so many girls it didn't worry her to see
another,
went to his room(the attic), took off the dress and put on some black
sweat
pants, tying his hair in a ponytail. He sat looking at himself in the
mirror
for a while.
Sighing, he washed off the makeup and took down his plans as they had
been
written.
"Where did i go wrong? I changed files, applied new I.D.'s, even grew
my
hair long....", Sally said his face contorting with sadness. The plan
seemed
so perfect when he had made it before his family moved here..... and
then
fell apart on the first day.
"That ... chemical must have messed with my head....first i felt...
ugghh I
don't wanna touch that right now... then i wanted to kill him!", Sally
said
looking at his face in the mirror. So Sally did the only thing he could
and
started to meditate, clearing his mind of thought.
"SAM!", an ominous voice thundered, knocking him to the floor. He
looked up
and saw the floating spirit of his great ancestor."You have shamed our
family by taking up this 'religion' of yours. Denounce it and act like
a
man! Destroy your enemi..."
This was about the fourth time this had happened and Sally was already
reaching for the garlic and cross and...
"Wait not that excorcism thing again!!!", his Grandpa screamed out."
how
about you just defend your honor for once you wimp! Use the ancient
family
technique of the Washing Strike!". Suddenly sally's interest was
picqued.
"Why didn't you tell me about this Washing Strike?", sally said shaking
the
cross at the spectre.
"It is only usable by the women of our family, but i guess your halfway
there...."
After smacking his grandfather with the cross, he calmed down and
received
the secrets of the dreaded strike and its amazingly convenient effect.
Smiling widely 'Sally', put on his dress and makeup as his grandfather
left
in disgust. Grabbing some towels and dolling himself up, it was only a
matter of finding Kiburi and his metallic friend.
82. Teri was sort of disappointed that Kiburi-san hadn't called or
anything, but that was ok. She went to sleep, and went to school in
the morning.
END OF DAY 2
CONTINUED IN DAY 3
Day 1 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6